why?

The question that all little kids love to ask and adults hate to answer. But probably the simplest and most profound question to ask one's self. This is the question that I have been asking myself over the last few weeks of this new year.

Why am I a christian? I know I can't fully answer this question at all in this post or any other post. Mostly because once I start to figure it out I have more questions and less answers. It really started on the plane on the way back to Sask after Christmas. I was finishing up a unit in my Romans DL and God put this question in my mind. I then considered what would I do if I stopped being a christian and lived my life for me. Sounded pleasurable for the most part. The desires I would satisfy first would be probably my sexual desires and exploring drinking maybe a hit of weed or two and then pursuing money. Nothing really over the top about what most guys my age do. Then I realized that that all would fade so what is the point. Next I thought if i did walk away what would I lose? Respect from those I love, which could lead to their destruction or at least questioning and doubting. And all that I have worked hard at becoming would be gone. Realizing that walking away from faith was not something I wanted to do I then explored the other side of my life.

Where am I going and how am I getting there? As I read through Romans 12 and read the notes I became convicted that I am not really being a living sacrifice for Him. So I recommitted my life or maybe I more redefined my relationship with God. Decided that if I am going to have a relationship I must spend time with Him in Prayer and reading the scriptures and part of reading the scriptures is also committing them to memory. Another part was that I need to just go hard for God and relay on him to give me rest and provided for all my needs. Which I have been successful at up till about a week ago. (thanks for the reminder I need to get back on track)

Then about a week or so later I have been wrestling with question about what it is that God wants me to do. How do I tell others about him when i don't get it? So then the question arose again. Why am I a Christian? the answer is basically I can't think of any thing more worth living for. (this also came up in a conversation with a friend at home) Well then what does it mean to LIVE for Him? Reading further in my Romans DL I then realized that it's about deciding what that looks like and then doing it.

Being sensitive to those around me that I don't cause them to desire their old habits/ unhealthy habits. Some things that I have starting to think through is what I think and do with my media intake? As media has a huge effect on how I think and react to situations. Another thought is how can I contribute to the Kingdom work? and How do I share what I beleive?

The question know is not so much why but what and how.