Can't sleep

well it's 2 am and I can't sleep because there is a lot flying around in my head. I am hopeing that as I do a bit of a brain dump I will be able to sleep. so here goes sorry if my spelling sucks I am just writing in the dark and trying to take a load off.
this is where I am at the last month of so has been really good there has been lots of challenges to be truer in me faith and live righteously. Being real with people and not being fake. learning how to be a leader again in the context of Joes place and leraning to deal with people is always streaching.
school has been fairly easy I porposely picked classes that had less work load as i was hopeing to work at Urban apeel more and joes place which ended up working with joes place more then expected be it is all good. I am glad that the semester is coming to a close I look forward to next semester and all that it holds as i take on new challenges in leadership and have heavier classes. I am trusting fully in God and all the he is doing in me life, Thank you lord for putting me where I am today and for all the wonderful poeple that are in my life I pray that as I follow you submitting my self to your will that you will lead and guide my ever thought and action. In you holy and heavenly name amen.

stressed to the max

I just had the most amazing day of prayer, worship, and reading the bible. It started early this morning when I awoke to my alarm going off I felt awake but not enough to get out of bed after a few more minutes of hitting the snooze button I got up and got ready for the day excited that i got to spend the next 8 hours or so sitting at the feet of Christ and worship him. I began the day feeling distant and lost after letting go and coming to the foot of the cross I became free and realized that God is not only distant but also right in front of me. the whole day was amazing until my mind turned back to reality.

This is my reality as far as I can see it. I have a paper that I have been trying to get my mind around the past month and a bit I still don't feel prepared to write it. I have a mod next week which will really limit my paper writing abilities as well I am missing a book that i need to read for the class. I have a road test coming up on Thursday that I am stressed about passing because again i don't feel prepared to take. I can drive the bus fine but worried about the technicalities of the circle check and certain other laws that apply to buses that are not clearly defined in the hand book. I also have work Tuesday and wed. evening and all day Saturday. I am freaking stressed not to mention all the other little things that i have to do like laundry and paying bills and all the other little distractions of life. Again lord I ask for focus and decernment in what I can stop doing or get finished and off my plate.

Finding my self lost

Hey so I haven't typed anything on this for along while and well I am in the mood of procrastinating I figured I should at least try and do something that will make me feel better and maybe sort out some thoughts as I think through these past few weeks.
I can't remember what has happened since the last time i posted which i believe was in the first week of school? I have been back in school for bit more then a month and although I had some struggles seeing were God was going to use me I know have a clearer direction for the year. besides work and school I am starting an internship at Joe's Place that requires of me to become a small group leader/mentor to three other guys that are entering into a leadership in training program that I have been giving the opportunity to lead. Also I am co-leading a small group with in my dorm and it looks like i will be the Friday night male ministry leader at joes place. God has answered my prayers to use me in leadership again. I am excited but also afraid mostly of failure.
An issue that is arising though is that I have no pressing desire to complete my school work. Which is a major factor in the life i have here. I need to pray and have others surround me in their prayers that I will be able to become focused in my studies so that I might learn more in order to pass on the knowledge to others and use it my self in my experiences.
Lord I pray that you will not allow me to waste these next few weeks. during the times that i have tried to set aside as reading and work time please let me become focused quickly and learn let me not become distracted with time filler. instead let me have good quality time with people and alone with you and have a strong desire to stay focused on the tasks before me. In you heavenly name amen.

feeling stressed.

So I am becoming extremely stressed right know as I keep looking ahead and seeing lots of things that i want to do and am committing to. but i have this uneasy feeling that i am forgetting a lot of the important stuff that has to be done. I am becoming so focused on what is ahead that i am forgetting what is going on around me. I hate living by a schedeal it stress me out I need a day where i can escape time and sleep when i am tired eat when I am hunger and play when i am bored. I hate having to run from appointment to appointment, meeting to meeting. I long for a time when i can sit down and not have to worry what is ahead. Please Lord take my life and slow it down. let me find rest and get refocused instead of running around like a chicken with no head that is what i feel like right now. please lord slow me down. let me only see what I need to see.

The merkyness of transition

So I haven't wrote anything for a few weeks mostly because life has been really busy and i was sorting a lot of things out. I have moved back to college and have been going through the motions of settling in to dorms and meeting new people. I have been frustrated not knowing where I am going but take comfort in the fact that as long as I am moving forward God will keep showing me where to go. I am learning to love people in the ways that they feel the most loved, whether that is sitting and talking or serving them or along side them. Encouraging those around me and praying for those that are around me. I am excited to start this new year but wish that crossing this bridge between summer and school was a lot shorter and the fog would roll away and I would be able to see where the road is taking me. who knows where life is going all i can do is take comfort in the fact that what ever is going on in my life is being directed by God and I am only really along for the ride and journey.

Living a life of Love

Yes love is again the topic of this post, every week God teaches me a little more about love. This week I was camping in Cypress hills with Joe's place and many of the devotional times were threaded with messages of love. The Lord laid on my heart what I explained last post about love being a sacrificial thing that we must be willing to give up things for others and for God. The story I was reminded of was Abraham and Isaac in Gen 22, where Abraham was asked to sacrifice his only son but then God provided a ram instead of the boy Isaac. Relating this story to the story of Jesus death and challenging everyone to be will to give up what they have and trust that God will provide.
The next devotion was lead by Curtis, he talked about the life after baptism and about loving others and not holding anything against those that we are called to love. Weather it be that they smoke that they drink or whatever love looks past those things and embraces the person behind all the pain.
Finally on the last devotion Cat lead us in a discussion of loving others even when they hate you. reading 1 John 4:7-21 which speaks of God's love for us and are need to love others as God loves us. One more side comment that Joe made was that "Loving someone when they hurt you or are threating you does not mean that you take no action against them to seek justice. But rather seek justice in a loving way." an example that he gave was if and when his family his threatened he doesn't turn a blind eye to the person but will call the police to come and deal with the person treating his family. But also will visit that person and stand with them when they are on trail. God is a God of justice and mercy the wrong things done toward us should be dealt with in a loving way. Meaning it is alright to have an enemy serve the consequence of their actions but don't do it out of revenge rather do it out of love.
This is what God has taught me about love and how to live and life of love.

The give and take of life = LOVE

So over the past week I have been struggling to understand love. Not the romantic dizzy, confusing and annoyingly I can think of no one but her love. But rather what is Love the act of loving people of loving myself and what is God's love. I have been blinded by the studies of "deeper" spiritual things from bible college. Until tonight as I returned from Joe's Place and started to ask God "How do I love" and "what does that look like." What was revealed to me was sacrifice; love is the act of sacrificing something for something that you care about more. God's example was Jesus dying on the cross suffering for us sinners, that is love. I was struggling with the thought of living for Jesus why do I do it. Well duh he gave his life to set me free from the bondages of sin should I not be living a life as if to repay what he has done? and then he keeps showing his love to us even when we screw up he will bless us with something that we needed but didn't know how to handle.
I then thought back to my hiking trip at the beginning of Kaleo. This is me nearing the peak of Mount Albert Edward. there was still a ways to go that was all up hill where we spent about 30min-to an hour on before descending back down the mountain to camp. This trip was a lot about life we spend so much time struggling to get up the mountain only to spend a little while at the summit then there is only one way to go and that is down. there is the easy way down or the hard way. God has provided the easy way by blazing the trail and creating a bridge back to where we desire to be. but so many see the hard way it looks like fun, it's a challenge that we think we can take on. But so many end up dead because they slip and have nothing to hold onto. falling until they reach the bottom or are blessed with a safe catch with only some scraps and broken bones. but a way back up and down the easier side of the mountain. Then sometimes God sends down people to help lift you up and heal your broken spirit. These people are giving of their time to help the lost and broken of this world. the ones that thought they could do it on their own. I am glade that God got my attention through my parents example and the many other people that surrounded me with their love.
Now I must learn to give of my time to help and lead those that are around me to the Lord and his example. I have been given all I need his word, his people and the most important a way to communicate and know that he is their with me.

Love, solitude and people.

This past week end has been different. I took time to myself and tried to spend it with God. I did spend most of it with him but it didn't go as planned which is ironic because i had no real plan other then to get out of Moose jaw for a couple hours and go some where I have never been that i knew no one. I wanted to be by myself. I wanted God to be revealed to me in a new way. Which he was but know I am finding it harder to follow him. I guess that is a good thing but my problem is that i loved being alone on a hike that only lasted a couple hours and came back to people. People means Drama I am know finding it really hard to love or even like a lot of people there are some that i can stand but for the most part I wish people didn't complain about their lives and their problems. What gets me is that I do the same thing, when there is silence i feel the need to fill it with words which usually is me complaining about something i cannot help any way. I really don't know why I am writing this because in truth I am just complaining more. Why must life be filled with drama?

Life Cycle

The days, weeks and years seem to fly by running one into the next. The only break that we get we fill with more activities then we can handle. It leaves one to wonder as they stand still watching the world fly past in circles not going any where but feeling like we are. What is this life all about? We wake up every morning: eat, sleep, poop, and start all over again. Letting some meaningless task fill up the other few hours of the day. Some times I want to think that I am the center point of all the activity but then I step back and realize that I am just one Cog in a mass machine we call society. Rubbing, bumping, grinding, against other people. I guess this is my purpose, to keep spinning, moving, when needed. Doing the best I can to carry my share of the load of life are you carrying yours?

What to say?

Well it's been awhile since I have last taking the time to write something. So I suppose an update is long past due. The question is what have I been up to? As I ask myself and ponder what the last week or so has consisted of the biggest thing would be work. The Smoothie Bar that I am working at is slowly becoming more efficient and busy as the summer moves on. Hard to believe that just a week or so ago schools let out and summer arrived in full swing. I am know working full time at Urban Apeel (the smoothie bar) the days and hours go by fast when customers are crowding through the door. Then I leave and come home to eat before going to Joe's which is also a really good time as it gives me a chance to reconnect, talk with other staff that are believers as well as kids and learn what life is like out side of the love of God. That sounds a little harsh but it's true I really have no idea what people are going through in their lives. But to sit and listen and learn is the best thing for me to do. Talking with a friend today that is seeking was good to know that all I am is a tool in God's hand. Living on the prairies has brought me to understand much more of life and how each person is dependent on one another. It helps so much to carry the load of each others problems allowing us to live freely in God's presence, taking care of each other. By putting myself out there and working past what is expected has brought me to a place where I am comfortable and satisfied. I am a servant of Christ and as such I work not for man but for God and I know that I am suppose to work hard no matter what the job whether it is making smoothies or digging a whole or hanging out with a friend because they are lonely these are the task that God has giving me and in return he has blessed me in more ways then I realize. This is where I am and this is where I will stay until I am called away.

Here is a little glimpse of God's glory in the form of a Prairie storm there are so many of them. I am writing this with thunder rolling and lighting flashing out side. Thank you Lord for your awesome power, glory and light.

mission accomplished.

Well I came home for a time of relaxation and hanging out with friends and family. Needles to say my mission has been accomplished. The primary purpose for the trip was to surprise and delight my Dad as it was his 50th birthday, this as well was mission accomplished. During my time here I have talked with a good amount of old friends playing Frisbees golf and going out for coffee. Most of the time I spent my days sitting around at home watching T.V. and playing video games with my brother. Although I have enjoyed this break, I am tired of feeling useless I am looking forward to going back to Moose Jaw and busying my self with work and helping out at Joe's Place. But for know i still have a day of travel and day to relax before reentering the life I love. as for my family I will miss them but not enough to move back here to Ontario.

Posting just to keep up the goal

Well life has been intersting and busy but slowly getting into a routine of waking up getting a shower going to work coming home eating then find something to do or not do at night. This week has been a little special as I have had the house to my self. I have taken more advatage of the lazyness of T.V. as while as haveing some friends over for food and games. Work has been different with Dan as the new manger and I think next week will be a trying week at the shop as our supplies are dwindling and so are some of the staff. This has not stop the customers how ever as they are pouring into the shop at a managable rate for the most part. Joes place is going well it's starting to slow down as summer hits and some of the kids are useing the abilty of freedom from school to be more speratic but there are still many that will show up ever week. This weeks lesson that I have been learning from my walk with God is mostly about Obeidenace to his commands I am reading through 1 kings and the endovers of Salomon and his life. What is popping out is that all he had to do was follow the commends and laws that were layed out for his people to not worship other gods but this is where they always fail. I have been failing alot recently as I have been indulging in some of my favorite web sites to "relax" with I guess God is trying to remind me to stay on track just because summer is here doesn't mean that I can go slack in meeting His expectations. anyway. that is my thoughts for this week sorry if they are allover the place fillyou in later on life. Peace love and Prayers.

reality T.V. has nothing on my life.

Well another week has gone by and here I am sitting down early in the morning after a very dramatic and busy week. I guess I will start with where I left off it was roughly this time last week that I wrote a blog and a lot has changed. As a result of what happened last week at relay some of my co-workers have been let go to say it nicely which means lots of changes in my work place. change in this case is not necessarily a bad thing as maybe things will start to get organized and become more constant. The drama however is still present as we all talk about the change, but most of the drama that is their is not from the work place it is being brought in by people that like to stir the pot so to speak. This weekend was a busy one with side walk days which is a really sweet way to kick off the summer in Moose jaw. This year apparently was better then the last few the rain at night might have helped as well as extra security at night. My self and a friend Brian helped out Thursday night watching from Joe's Place the mini donuts and lemon aid stand from 11pm to 6am. At the end of which Brian and I said our good byes and he left to catch a plan to ON. This was only the start of the weekend after that slept for a couple hours and then went to work for 3hours leaving early to get some more sleep before going to Joe's again to belay at the climbing wall, then staying till 12 that night. only to wake up this morning to go golfing with a men's group from new life center (one of the few churches I have/attend) and then back to Joe's for the afternoon and then after a short break at home back down town to Joe's for the evening and know here I am looking back I didn't write much but I am tired yet strengthened knowing that God was the reason and the sustains I needed for this past week and weekend.

this passage sums up my life so far.

Psalm 23
A psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness

for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Humble... what's that?

So I have had a busy week working everyday and spending every night with my Brothers and sisters from Joe's place both staff and youth. this is the first time all week that I get to sit and type I was blessed with a night at home even though I thought that I would be up all night at relay for life. But due to cricumstance beyond my control most of our team had to leave and as it was a cool night we shut down the smoothie both early. So here I sit with time on my hands and my body geared for an all night er. I need to spend some time reading and praying but before that I need to unpack my week. This week has been very trying as I have worked every day and learned more about my co-workers lives and the bad places they are in. I really don't know what or how or if to say anything for know I will work hard and easy some of the stress of them by taking shifts and basically be used. Which in truth I don't mind but if abuse of my willingness is helped I will have to say no. But I know that I am working for God not for them or my boss if I work hard for God then I will gain the respect of my co-workers and employers and maybe they will see Christ in me. My Evening and night s were filled with hanging out with and at Joe's place which can be tiring for me emotionally, spiritually and mentally but I have been encouraged by many of the staff and kids to keep going. I know that this is my place of ministry I am just trying to learn the balance of work, Hangout and alone time. I know that I am lacking on the alone time and so I need to spend some time with God. I have been finding that I am becoming more and more condescending as I get involved and talk to kids. I play the I am better then you role not meaning to but doing so anyway. I need to learn how to be humble again but not allow myself to be used and taken advantage of. which is so hard for me to do so I come off as a belittling jerk. How do I change this pattern I don't know Prayerfully God will teach me that lesson soon.

The working of God

I have mentioned in previous blogs that I have been volunteering at Joe's Place in Moose Jaw. I have been going almost every week-end and recently Tuesday and Wednesdays as well. This past Thursday I attended the Annual General Meeting aka the AGM/spring party. As I sat and listened to Joe talk about this past year, I was able to reflect on how God is working in and through Joe's place. For those that have never been to Joe's or heard about this ministry allow me to try and enlighten you to what this thing is. It started in Joe's apartment on main street years ago Joe was helping out at a local youth group and going to Briercrest at the time. After youth group Joe would invite kids in the mall parking lot that weren't drunk to come and hang out at his place. Watching movies and playing random games the word spread and more youth started to come out on weekends. It got to the point where Joe need to make this thing into something bigger then his apartment. A board of other trusted men in the Church's in Moose jaw helped Joe figure stuff out and God did all the work really Joe was just the connection point. I am not sure on the whole history this is me piecing together stories that I have heard over the year. and I am sure their is lots more to this. Check out the website for more information. http://joes-place.ca/ any way let me continue to give you my perspective on this ministry.

I started as a volunteer at Joe's place in September of 07. I came to Briercrest with the intention of working at Joe's place. I was nervous, scared and excited as I heard stories about what has happened in the past (fights and rough kids)and what is happening (with the opening of climbing wall, and possibility of doing other games and starting new programs). The first semester I got to know some of the guys I made it a point to get to know guys rather then girls with the simple reason of not wanting to portray the wrong image. At first it was hard to get to know them, but, as I learned their names and prayed that God would give me opportunities to talk and get to know the guys, God started to open doors of conversation. One of the best places to talk is at the coat check pictured below with a friend Brian posing.

Here is a place where kids are able to come and talk while you take their belongs and put it in a box to keep safe. Other places that I have found good to talk with kids is the snack bar.

The smoke pit which is an out door area where kids can go and smoke. Giving the staff a chance to listen and talk with kids as they get their fix. The Door men greet the youth and check their breath and body language to see if they are drunk or high. In order to keep the kids inside safe, we also keep the age limit so that adults that may want to hurt the kids will not get in. Their is also the prayer room which is a place for staff to pray for the building and kids as they are coming and going. were the man is sitting is generally were the people that are praying will be so they can still see what is going on and help out side if needed.

We also have what is called Roving patrol which walks around the block keeping an eye out for our neighbors buildings as kids travel in and from Joe's that they are not destroying things. All these positions are meant to keep kids safe and allow them to hangout and be kids. the main part of the building is pool tables dance floor and stage arcade and DJ booth. and the most recent is the 30' climbing wall that is made to look like an authentic old mine. (check out the website for pics.http://joes-place.ca/Projects%20on%20the%20Go.htm).

(below) The stage set up for the Tripmeter concert, and tables still out from the AGM.

(above) Pool tables on the left with the road signs is the DJ booth and the right is the arcade and xbox room.

This is a typical Friday and Saturday night. But then there is the Tuesday night Bible study which looks similar to the picture on the right with tables set out for dinner and a movie is used as a conversation starter that leads in to a bible study. On Wednesday their is the work B were we clean in and out side the building with about 12-15 youth and 5-10 staff. this includes cleaning the basement. which is also used as a Band practise room and recording area for a local band and dance floor for the dance team as well as mass storage. (the band and dance area are not shown here)

then there is the tool room and Motor cycle shop that is used on Saturday's by the motor cycle club. also located in the basement. (these pics don't do justice to what there is as they are both separate rooms) There is also a lot of other spaces that I didn't take a picture or such as the wood room and other random stage areas deeper in the building, some that I haven't yet been in.

Finally the newest addition that is almost open is the store which is full of electronics and sports stuff and any other random stuff that Joe wants to sell. The store is intended to help generate funds for the rest of the Joe's place to keep it running. It also has doubled as a nursery for young moms and place for board meetings and staff prayer times.

This is what Joe's place is this is why God has called me here this summer and next year. I am learning that God has this all in control and allowed us as staff along for the ride. I spend my time in the climbing wall belaying and encouraging kids to reach new heights. seeing their determination to go further and love life and accomplish what seems the impossible. To walk around the building and keep up PR with the city and hang out with kids as they come and go. I get to build into the lives of youth that may be lost and confused. Most of these kids are fatherless but I am an example of a son of a man that had no father either yet has raised me in a loving environment. I may not be able to relate to these kids pasts but I can help give them hope for the future. Jesus deals with the past and uses us to show examples of his love that they can receive from a heavenly father. Many people questioned why I was staying in Moose Jaw, I even question that but Joe's place was the reason and I am loving being able to get to know staff and kids more with the time to hang out and become closer friends.

The busyiness of life

It seems like it has been months sense i was last able to sit and type up a post of what has been going on in my life and in my head. I guess it's been a little bit over a week sense I was last able to write. Update for this week I was able to work a lot this week I had to sacrifice time of paper writing which I kinda willingly gave up. I worked a minimum of 5 hours everyday at the Urban Apeel many days it was split shifts so it kinda screwed over my ability to right my paper. But on the good side I am know starting Monday working full time 10-4 Mon-Fri and I am sure I will pick up some other hours here and there. The new hours will allow me to spend my evenings working at Joe's place or doing whatever else needs to be done. I am excited for this new opportunity unfortunately I got the position because some other employs that I did like work with felt like they would do better at their other jobs. As well as unexpected happenings with family matters.
This has been what my week consisting of work which depends on the weather how busy the shop is. Too helping out with Joe's place and listening and watching and growing with some of the guys that I am getting closer with become strenghtened by God's power and giving up certain things that were distracting from their walk with God. Which is awesome to see this happening and God allowing me to be involved with encouraging words and a listening ear.
the week ended on a good time over the last 24hours or so I attend a staff party that was held by my boss. I eat a large portion of steak and shrimp talked with some of my coworkers before heading out to Joe's place Saturday night. then got up for church and played bass for worship with some friends and then relaxed and hung out with some friends from school and Joe's place. It has been a good weekend.
I know that I have learned a lot and though about a lot this past week but nothing is really coming to mind that is profound that God has taught me. I suppose the lesson of the week and working hard no matter what it is do it to the fullest so that God will be honored through it. I am reading 1st and 2nd Samuel this past week and finding more details in my favorite story of the old testament of David and his life. It amazes me that God chose David to be king and lead him through trails and test while Saul tried to kill him and the power of God using Saul to form David and David to form Saul. I know that God has chosen me for some great things and I will face my giants and kings but will be able to stand against them all because of the plans that God has for me.
This coming week I will be busy with work finishing my paper it's going to be a taxing week but I know that it will be a good week. that's all for now peace love and prayers

Where do I go from here?

This past week I have been enjoying the luxury of life in Canada and North America sitting around playing on my computer reading and studying, working at an easy stress free job, going to bed late and waking up late in the morning. I have hot water and plenty of food a room to my self and the ability to drive where ever and whenever I want. But there is a nagging feeling in me telling me to start getting out of my comfort zone and talk to people.

I am a shy person and would rather be invited to do something with people or invite people over. I want to be intrusive and invite myself into peoples lives, but then my North American up bringing stops me and reminds me that people don't want to be bothered they are just as busy as me. But know I look at what I have been doing and really I am just sitting around reading learning and attempting to write a paper (this is my procratacation writing this) I have become lazy and content with my self but know I am become frustrated with my lack of contribution to the life I am living in.

But then I think about all I want to do and become over whelmed with all I could do. I know I should spend more time in prayer focusing on others needs rather then my own. I know I should get out of the house and hang out with the youth and staff that I decide to stay here for. I wish I could finish this paper and then take the initiative to get out and learn first hand what people are going through. Yet here I sit taking up space that could be used by so many others. I think about the disasters that are happening in Asia and think about helping them but then turning around and eat some more food while I watch the news of people starving and aid not being able to get to those that need it.

The question then enters my mind "where do I go from here?" I ask God to make me move but first I must pull up my anchor of pride and rise the sails so that God can send his spirit to move me.

just like in this picture I hope that in the next few weeks I can pull away from the harbour and begin to weather the seas of life. Where I go from here I have no idea but hopefully I can find my way.

retracing my steps

Growing up I have always had people to turn to for help and still do today but there were rough times in my life that I look back on and realize that those times shaped me into who I am.



Since childhood I have been taught that there is a God and that he died to save me from my sins. My parents loved me in all they did and gave me the most stable life two loving Christians parents could give. They treated my brother and I both as we needed to be treated in love and discipline. The four of us lived together in one house and we attended one church, I went to one elementary school and then one high school. Over all my life as been very stable and I consider it a blessing to have growing up in such a healthy family.


However I have my own struggles the first that I can recall clearly was in grade 6. Feeling as Elijah the prophet felt "I am the only one left [christian in my public school]" I hated grade six was was put in a grade 5/6 split and in a sense left behind while the majority of my friends moved on in life. I became subject to teasing and being bullied and was left socially alone. If it wasn't for my faith in God at that point in my life I would have considered ending my life because it sucked. Fortunately when the world turned it's back on me I decided to turn my back on it, and turned to my youth group for the support of friends I needed.

However that was not my only struggle, being male I struggle with lust and all that goes with it. My secret life all through youth group and still today. Is after spending the Friday and Saturday night out with friends I scome to my inner demons and surf the web or T.V. to satisfy my body's desires. I know that I have been set free from this by my Lord and savior but I also know that I am like a dog returning to his own vomit. Because of my lust I viewed women up until couple years ago as objects that were for my pleasure. Fortunately I was to shy to ever approach girls and try and get what I really wanted. Also I tended to keep my self free from sex until I am married and then I can experience physical love with a girl that is more then just an object as I have most of my life thought that they were.


What broke me of this habit and sent me on a new career path then what I thought was were I was suppose to go was my trip to Panama with brio missions and Big world ventures. I knew that I was going to be changed but in what ways I had no idea. Below is my team there was only three guys the rest well were girls.

On this trip God convicted my of my sin and gave me the chance to confess and ask for forgiveness from these girls as well as 400 others that were on the missions trip. Along with confessing I felt God calling my into a bible college.

After a year of working in a lumber yard and seeking out a college program that would lead me to be a stronger christian I came across a program called Kaleo. It was everything and more that I needed. It gave me a group of friends that I consider my brothers and sisters and closer then family. As well as a lot of amazing travels all around B.C. which was always a dream of mine to live in B.C. for at least a year. Kaleo challenged me to learn more about God and let him take over my life and lead it where he wants to use me most. Then after a summer at camp acting as the skate park leader God called me out to the flat lands of Canada.

This is where I am know after finishing up my second year of bible college at Briercrest and being stretched by God even more here I am in Moose Jaw expecting to be put through the trials and tests that God has for me. As I learn to love and encourage those that I am forced to interact with and those that I willing seek to get to know. My job is a server in a smoothie bar called Urban Apeel and volunteer at Joe's place a youth drop in center. I don't know where my path that I am on will lead but every step I take is Intentional and with ever step comes the tension of living in the world and following God.

If you have read this far Thank you for caring to read and I invite you to join me on my journey from this point in my life to where ever God may lead. This blog is to keep track of where God has taking me and get my thoughts out to you so that you may read and respond and correct me if I am wrong.

Peace, Love and Prayers.